(The prospect of a future novel…)

Metamorphosis … in black and white II

Sometimes I try to make a sense of life, but I often fail. I’m wondering why? But I’m looking, I keep looking because I have not lost hope yet. It is said that hope dies the last. But I wonder, is it so? Is that an illusion? Isn’t a ballast that approaches the earth in the form of anchor? I still do not know, maybe do, maybe not…

Why should I have people who offend me, humiliate me, and often do so in a way that my soul really hurts, and on the contrary, I look at them humble to my feelings for them.

Yes, I do not exaggerate when I say the soul, which for me is a sacred thing with intense living and in which I still trust.

Life is like a big wave that rolls to the sand, with a lot of vivacity, in unrealistic forms, and when it retires it leaves nothing behind but the hope that it will follow its cycle and destiny; or it may be a windmill, either with warm additions or with cold additions, all being an uncharted, uncharacteristic but timed motion.

Time passes, the years pass, and you as a man become their gender. Maybe it would be better to quote in such moment is the “Françoise Sagan” saying “Bonjour tristesse …“and they do, because very often stand too many things that should overlook or that we should do not care about them, be it I should ignore them, but can I?

I don’t believe, I put too much soul in what I do and I have a lot of hopes, although at one point in one word they are being shaken like a sandstorm in the desert.

And why? Did I get anything wrong and cannot fix the mistake? I think so, but what do you think? Or maybe you would have expected something from me?

I think I should be the angry one, because I felt hurt and flushed aside as a broken mass.

I’m just a simple man who does not want too much, then maybe a little understanding, maybe a little heat, or maybe that sensitive part of life that generates love is profound, true and sincere.

It is a special day that should not be overshadowed by anything, too special for me, compared to many others, a day that will certainly not be repeated even though I would like it very hard, but those watches, go slowly and sad forever to the gloom of time, becoming history somewhere infinite, and that sequence will return to memory, either with pleasure or sadness or place.

And here’s how it’s been a year in the hourglass, hourglass that measures time with every drop of sand falling in the tunnel of time until we get back to what I was once, but only with the thought, and the eternal question…

“Will one day come again to be what I once was?”

Apr.22 / 2018

Dream and Hope

Music is for my soul a miraculous medicine, a mountain spring, a trill of birds in the woods, a pleasant winding breeze, which makes wonders at that moment of maximum sadness and which, by the superb melodic lines, transposes me, deters me, in a different world, away from real life, being a symbol of total soul balance, becoming a reference system and why not a virtual ying and yang melodic.

What can you do in such moments?…How long do you dream? My great desire would be that all of these things become real one day as soon as possible, though most of the time I doubt.

Years and years have passed, and nothing has happened, is it a mirage like “Morgana Girl” (a mirage)?

Dreams, dreams, dreams…

Recently Easter Holidays, it is true in a rather unpleasant period, because the weather, capricious, with a lot of snow in the second half of March, made the landscape not as great as I would be desired; with blooming trees, grass and flowers…but compensated, if I can express it so, by the warmth transmitted by our Lord’s resurrection.

What I mean by that, something warmer outside, which allowed me to go quietly and with the consciousness of the Lord’s house, listen to the Resurrection service, and take the Holy Light. Light from God, heat from God that I wrapped him in ato crush the whole body, all the soul giving me the hope that I will have patience as my dreams will be fulfilled as I wish.

I do not know what is the custom of Resurrection in other religions, I do not know how to do it, but I know that the holy light in our Orthodox religion is brought to the Easter night by the Holy Tomb of Jerusalem by a parent in our country and distributed every holy place on the night of the beginning, to be given to the people, to the eunuchs, and to mark the resurrection of our Lord.

The reality is that there are moments in which I feel the need for peace, silence, which I seek, try to discover, that finally I can find it in the lovely Lord’s house.

Once upon a time, I sit quietly in a reclining chair, staring at the icons, my mind trembling with the delicate noise of the burning fiery candle, the smell of the ointment, trying to get rid of those secrets hidden from my soul, secrets of secrecy which cannot be shared with anyone other than the Lord, He being the only one who can help me to regain my peace of mind.

With my soul, I come home, listen to good music, browse the pages of a book, which brings me back to my everyday life, surpassing the critical moments of sadness.

As the story of me and another time, good music and literary quality hatred are my other hobbies that I enjoy and I always do well cheer opposite course of photography, photography in general.

It has often been suggested to me to write, my muse arguing in my dream as a charming and delicate divine “being” that directs my steps through words. I do not know if I am endowed with such a talent, but I try to think that all the ideas I have in my head, whether good or bad, can be put on the paper in words and phrases that can be read interpreted by others.

I do it a little rarer, but when I try to get it out, because the reader really can see the reality of my soul, so tired of the ruthless passage of years.

But if you read through the lines, you will actually do more of my inner feelings, trying to find a privileged bearer of words to find decipherment instrument, that inner code that reveals the hidden elements of the feelings they feel.

There is no need for topics or reference systems to report to me, as they can be original, so I can put into motion the mechanism of creation, a mechanism that most often becomes a mechanismto create illusions, meant to establish as continuity between my inner world and the real external world.

Thus, the reader can be considered an arbiter between the two worlds, one of the other changing faces, being the only and the only critic between the two fronts, virtual and real.

But most tolerate and accept real inspiration.But I, generally have a lot of ideas, otherwise I could not create or see a certain composition, a composition that helps me a lot in photographic art and why not in the art of writing. Strange, is not it?

But I think photographic art (and why not say a little talent) guided my steps through the sinuous maze of art.

I once said that it would be a great pleasure to write a novel, being aware that it will not be easy, and it will also require a pre-solid documentation to create real cadres and images with virtual, imaginative characters, but that has a close connection with the life we ​​live in.

Obviously, it depends very much on what you want to write, what kind of literature to address, and the time period during which the action will take place, the period that may be past, present and why not future.

For now, it’s like a musical note on a portable being led in this adventure by His Majesty, the Sol Key….

Dreams, dreams, more…What can be more beautiful than dreaming…

April, 14th

The story of a “pen” that made around the world … twice

Whether I am still going to write it, even if for some, let’s say it is a topic perhaps uninteresting literally, artistically but interesting to me because it has profound sentimental connotations for my soul as well as the fact of not to be honest, would make it envy even the famous Jules Verne with his great book “The Occult of the Earth in 80 Days” – the book of our youth. I obviously joke, I cannot compare myself to him, but the story is as real and exciting. I think it would be an interesting subject for a book, which could become an adventure book or why not a classic-modern but exciting SF.

Even so I can say, the trip of this trivial “pen” (I really do not joke) if you are thinking about doing more than 100 days, crossing a part of the Asian continent, from wonderful Japan to the American continent (resting – there is a period of time) that finally the European continent successfully crosses its eastern part, to me in Romania. And this twice! Strange, is not it?

If I sit a little to think, would not it be better to make this beautiful trip? OH YES!!! Definitely much better, but to my misfortune after a profound search in the genealogy tree, I have not found any degree of kinship with Bill Gates or anyone else known for money.

It was at the beginning of January, this year when I had more time to watch the internet, and browse it’s pages in search of an object that I would like.

Anyhow, even if I wanted to go out for a shooting game, I could not have done it because of ugly weather, dirty snow, cold, queer roads, and the same situation in the park because of the equipment used by the town hall to clean them up. Another aspect, which subjects for photography could have found, when even the sun did not want to come out of the clouds, sharpening them in a deep lazy, like a young girl full of fetuses at her first date with her boyfriend.

So, having nothing better to do (except reading book,) I’m looking at situations, finding a writing tool for me and having to cope with my exigencies, and obviously enjoying writing with it.

Of course, I found on an online shopping site exactly what I was looking for. And that’s not because I would not have found a pen or a bookstore in a specialized store, but I wanted something special from a great company, and I stopped at a stylish, nice Japanese pen with features like French-style pens. One problem was that this company had no representative in my country, but no dealers to sell it, and another issue with no online shopping card. Big trouble for me.

One evening my best friend, the soul mate for whom I would do anything, asked me why I was mad, and deviated. I told her what I was looking for, what I found and why I was having trouble and what was my greatest desire.

Sweetheart always asked me a little (like any woman who respected her,) about the qualities of the writing instrument I wanted so much, and many other things I do not want to reveal now.

I was impressed by the fact that she was interested in some things, let’s say good to a man, and perhaps useless to a woman, not being able to tell exactly what she was thinking. It is true that I have to admit, even if I am a man, that a woman has some special qualities, extra senses in relation to a man, even if he does not want to admit it always affirming that he is superior to a woman, so the woman has the greater ability and speed to adapt to life and make decisions often better than a man who can often (thinks and acts in “resuming”). The condition to proceed would be according to the saying “Give Caesar what is Caesar’s”, but most of the time we did not do that, sin!

But finally, returning to the story, she responded exactly as I did not expect.

The next day I received it by email, a few words that excited me all over “I bought it for you!.”

You realize that at that moment I was going to get her in my arms, kiss her and tell him what great joy he did to me? But I’ll do it as soon as she has, all my admiration, I promise.

They!!!! Now begins the story and the journey through the world of this small and very interesting object “The Pen”.

The company was in Japan, and the online shopping site specified that it would be imported from there, as there are not many who order it, and the stocks are useless here, and on arriving they sent to my friend from the United States urgently, advancing an approximate date of arrival .

After about a month and a half (about 45 days), my girlfriend tells me she received it and will send it the next day. In the evening when I talked, I kindly asked her to open the package, and she replied, “I cannot for it is sealed,” the obvious conversation being accompanied by ecstasy pictures. In the end, because of my insistence, it has gone away.

I do not think you can imagine what was in my soul, because in fact I honestly had the behavior of a child who would get the favorite toy.

After unwrapping, I found that he (The Pen) did not have a converter to put ink in the ink pot, but only two patrons. Between us it is well known that any company that respects itself has its personalization, in other words, the attachments of such a pen are only for this type of pen, and no other attachments can be used, either standard or customized from other pens, but only those for the writing instrument in question.

She told me it was no problem and she ordered two converters for him from Japan. My wait was another month and a half, so another 45 days. But what to do is expected; otherwise I did not have how to use it. Cycle riding through the world was the same.

Finally, the pen was complete with the original pieces. Poor girl immediately sent the next day, so he had to cross the ocean the third time to me. I honestly seemed an eternity until it arrived, but it was the gift to her for me, so it no longer counts anything (it was sentimental value).

He arrived in the country in about 3 days from the United States. Excellent, after thousands and thousands of miles around the world.

I receive the phone from the Otopeni customs office, requesting my email address so that I can send some digitized paper for pen entry in the country because he arrived from the United States and not from the European Community we are doing our part.

I open the email from the customs, download the paper … and what to see, another surprise!!!, Among other things, I was asked to buy the bill, in order to be able to establish the import customs of the product. Oh my God!!! Did they not read on the shipping papers that this is a gift? Well it looks like it is not. I mean, I was stunned, and I honestly did not know what to do. In the end, I give a phone to customs, a lady responds with a pleasant voice, who seemed to me to be understanding, explaining the situation, and excuse that they were not too careful when they read the shipping papers, and that on the same day, I was sending others in digital format that I had to complete. That’s the second time since the pen’s arrival in the country. On the third day after sending the papers, I got a phone call from them for customs clearance. This time the set value seemed very high compared to the value of the pen. I felt like boiling, and losing my sense of reason. I stayed for a while and I phone again, explaining to them that I cannot pay for a gift, but eventually a VAT, which I was told that the value was on the expedition papers. I was very annoyed and explained that the value was actually the product’s insurance if it had been lost, and they made the calculations at that value and not at the value of the pen, as it was normal, with other words I also took into account the value of the transport although it had been paid. I did not know what to think, I was engaging in absurd economic discussions when I was nothing I could do. Anyway, they said they would make a decision and they would contact me by phone. That being the fourth day since the pen’s arrival in my country.

I was wondering why I had to deal with some mindless and incapable civil servants, state officials, who had to do their job for which they were paid? What did they not understand God that was a gift and not the merchandise of import for sale? Uffff!!!, difficult for some!!! I did not know what to believe.

Finally, on the fifth day after the arrival of the gift in the country, I receive a phone from the customs again, I receive the corresponding payment amount, VAT to the pen with which I agree for a courier to come to my home and bring it to me. What has happened? I was happy at the summits because finally with my trembling hands of happiness, I unwrapped the package with the much wanted pen.

I told my friend the story, she rightly laughed that she was mad, and I explained to her that the principle used by these operatives was the lowest in the behavior with other people.

Do not even know how to say, should I laugh or cry? Well, I finally got the gift. If I’m thinking well, shipping across the ocean from the United States it made in 3 days it traveled thousands of miles, and the distance of 60 km from Otopeni and up to my home in 5 days, is not it maddening?

And yet we are in the 21st century, the century of speed…but for whom? The century of artificial intelligence … but for whom?

And when I said that I no longer trust politicians, I know what they say, because they treat us like little people without value, when we actually put them where they are, to think laws that are not rigid, and easy to understand for everybody, and not laws that leave room for interrelations of one or the other as it is their will.

Now I’m 100% convinced that this would make him laugh, even Jule Verne, if he still lives…

Please, I console myself, paraphrasing a TV presenter who said … “We live in Romania and that’s what we do all the time”…

March 22, 2018

The Fate day Fear – March 4, 1977

“Nature reveals its secrets in two ways: through its external force and through the movements of its marshmallows. External actions are, strong winds, rains, bad currents, waves, ice, forest fires, floods, there is only one internal force-the earthquake. “– Mikhail Vasilyevich Lomonosov .

Since I often do not want to remember this day, yet every year that follows March 4, I feel a sinister message in my heart, and a feeling of terror, because I never know what could it be worse than what was on March 4, 1977. It was the hottest earthquake that we had lasted for 55 seconds, with the power of 7.3 degrees on the Richter scale.

I was in the 5th grade at a technical high school of building materials, and on 5th of March I was going to support a more special work on a subject I worshiped everywhere, namely physics.

Why would a pupil in Year 5 ask some of you?Because those years were not established in the country but two high-schools, and names theoretical high schools with different profiles, humanities or physics-mathematics and industrial high schools with technical profile for various specialties, for example: construction materials electro mechanical profile as we followed me, chemistry profile, etc.The difference lies in the fact that from the theoretical high schools at the end there was no technical training and the industrial ones had as much technical preparation, the theoretical ones were 4 years and the industrial ones were 5 years old.This was finally the communist thinking of those troubled times.

However, at the end of the two high-school classes, to enter the University, you were going through very hard examinations, and if you had the chance to come in, you were a student, in other words, you had to learn hard at high school aptitude to get the chance to become a student.

What really bothered me most of those years was the fact that my parents always made me do what they thought was best for me, never letting me have the chance and the right to decide what is better for me or worse, being probably married I think about the concepts of life and society of those troubled times.

This has marked me for my whole life, but that did not stop me from later following my conceptions and developing my destiny and the karma of an open-minded man.

I do not want to go into too many details of those times, but by returning to my story I mean that we had colleagues in the class who were mad like a wild horse, were willing, energetic and open to any kind of fun.

Obviously knowing what was going to follow on March 5th, those projects’ support and lectures at high school level, we decided to go to a confectionery to eat a cake and have a cup of coffee, because if we went to a restaurant to drink alcohol they would not have served us, because of our age.

The confectionery was called “CASATA” “your home-in English”, a famous confectionery in the center of the capital where I knew that the cookies were of good quality at the time, and the coffee was original and not an ordinary mix of coffee, chicory, and what other ingredients were contained, only they knew. Anyway, jokingly or more seriously, everyone was call (the shop owner) “NECHEZOL” probably from horse hunting.

I ask myself, and now does the confectionery have a predestined name for what would follow that night of horror?(because the earthquake that was about to fall collapsed because of a bastard of administrator who had dismantled two pillars of resistance on the grounds that there was not a bigger space in the confectionery for clients – a crook in other words).

I spent a few hours with colleagues with jokes and stories told by children of high school age.After that at 8 pm in the evening I went to the bus to get home to have time to prepare for the next day, possibly to read something interesting or to watch TV and why I do not relax a bit.

We arrived home pretty fast around 8:20 pm, and obviously after a hot shower (because we were also conditioned by the hot water that was provided at that time with a portion of a program only if they knew you, if you were lucky) do you think I’m doing something or telling immortal stories of sleeping children, knowing that the regime of those times gave you everything with the portion and not how you wanted it.

Also, on TV there were miserable shows, films in general from the communist bloc  other names and other political programs, you know, of course, and patriotic songs and poems.What else?

In about half an hour I prepared what I had for school and I wanted to watch TV because it was a Bulgarian film about what? I did not know but there was something, a film that even if I repeat was destined for what was to follow, the movie was called “Dulce si Amar” (Sweet and Bitter-in English) and it started at 9:15 pm in the evening, you realize I cannot forget the hours.

The film had stupid name, nothing spectacular, even uninteresting, but still it was anything but regular TV programming.

I was sitting in the living room, next to a cabinet with a display window in which my mother kept the glasses, crystal glasses taken under the hand in the shops (the usual practice then with the most special items), to my right was the table, and on the wall the opposite was a body of the library where the books I used to read.The block where we lived was built of monolithic reinforced concrete on the first floor of 10. And now the real nightmare begins…

The time of 21:15 pm starts the movie, not even now, I cannot remember the subject, love, life, I suspect as an amalgam of all, being actually a mix of subjects with no notion or connection between them.But what can I do?Instead of getting bored, you try to look at yourself and establish yourself or the common denominator of those images you see.

At 21:20 pm, I was thinking what to do?I was still talking to my father sitting on a chair on my right hand in front of the library, about what I was going to do next day in high school and the way I would do it in the idea of getting a maximum rating to be of use to me.In the kitchen, my mother and grandmother were trying to pack something for dinner, and my grandmother as usual struggled to make quince jam, which for me was one of the most delicious pleasures we enjoyed always with joy out of the ordinary.Her grandmother knew how to conquer me and what to do to please me, and there is no honest way of not dealing with what he had in the pantry which, in my opinion, was a bit empty.Dear one, and now I love her wholeheartedly, even if she left this world as it will happen to all of us when it comes down on the spool.

At 21:22 pm, at a certain moment, there is a powerful clanking of glass that grows louder and the floor begins to move in a transverse plane with light waves like a boat on a sea of waves.At that moment my dad cried out loud “earthquake” rattled out of the chair to escape to the entrance door to get out, my mother runs to use.From this unmoving and rebellious motion of the floor, it is followed by a more rigid motion in the longitudinal plane, and a slight buckle of the walls.A loud whistling sounds outside as a continuous alarm sound.I hardly get up from the chair because I had to push the closet to the wall that had threatened to fall over me, my attempt was not successful, but the fact that I could get out of the closet and the table was a momentary success.My grandmother, supported by the door of the living room door, yells to get out as quickly as possible outside to jump on the balcony from the balcony below to save me, the distance from the balcony to the outside being about 2.5 m.

It all rained because it was the first time in my life when I went through such an attempt, but it was quite lucid to move quickly into the kitchen to stop the gas from the stove, first turning off the light in the living room and the TV.I do not know what was in my head, maybe a lucidity of indescribable, maybe consciousness or maybe insanity, I do not know either.I think it was better to be self-mastery.The cabinet and the library moved to the center of the living room, leaning over the table.

Thinking of these phases for a few seconds, I did not mind the fact that my grandmother was the only one from my family who was interested in my fate, my parents running away.I did not know what to do while I was bewildered; maybe even that infernal zombie that flooded my ears.I went out on the front door forcing it to close it and not let it open, and all this in less than 1 minute.I do not want to reproduce what was in my soul at that moment, fear, terror, panic, I did not even know.

Even though it was evening, and the sky darkened, it was of a bright red, as I had never seen before, and the strong whistle ceased.I learned later that there were panic alarms from the businesses in the area.

It was like the atmosphere was in accordance with a mortuary ritual that created the fear and panic of the people outside.Later I was to find out that there was a powerful earthquake of 7.3 degrees on the Richter scale, in the Vrancea Area at about 200 km from Bucharest, with a duration of 50-55 seconds both horizontally and vertically at a depth of 100 km to the center of the earth and which could be felt in Turkey, the shock wave being extremely strong, and destroyed a lot of buildings in Bucharest and has ended many lives.

I did not stand outside even at the risk of another earthquake, although the reps had enough but I did not feel any more, because I quickly fell asleep.

In the morning on the way to high school, I passed past the former “CASATA” confectionery, which was now a pile of bodies, debris and glass, where one evening before, I had spent several hours of fun with my high school colleagues.And when you stand thinking that I left there an hour before the inferno started from that fateful moment?Was not the Good God worried that nothing would happen to me and fall into that infernal trap of nature?The people left in the confectionery were now just lost souls, strange beings who were beating at the gate of Heaven.

I had but to see the city I could not believe it, as if it was a war with street battles, buildings collapsed, people dirty debris running erratically as a Brownian motion, screaming, they do not know where, areas closed police, army detachments looking for disastrous, ugly, miserable images, under the dilapidation of potential survivors.

And when you think that a pure and pure soul has thought about my life, cherishing her more than her, Grandma I adore today.

I do not want to impress anyone, but those horrors seen by my childhood have terribly impressed me, but there are things you can not overlook, you cannot predict them, and you cannot avoid them unless you have the power to move to another dimension, dangerously breaking the boundary between reality and fiction, things that only unfold after occult elements that transcend our border of some understanding.

I wish from all my heart that none of you should pass through those moments that I have gone through.

The paraphrasing of the “Ralph Waldo Emerson who said:” We are studying geology on the morning after the earthquake,” I can say that I have passed a life episode that I did not know, but who would not want to repeat it again.

March 14th / 2018

The shadows of the past…

A quote from Friedrich Nietzsche:

“The existence of forgotten has never been proven, we just know that some things do not come to mind when we want.”

It is said that in your life you are lucky to do it with your hand.I do not believe because it depends on too many internal, external, zodiac, I know the karma you have at birth, in other words, luck chooses you and not the other way around.

I cannot say that I was not lucky anyway, because I would chase God, but not as much as others did and how others had it, but the fact that I often think positively I believe I can go quite easily over many critical situations in life.

By the way, it was not easy at all, especially since at that time (before 1989), the black, black, most of the time difficult, you had to do everything possible to exist and pass easily over it to the limit.It was the time of communism.

Many do not want to remember those times, but they haunt me even now with the passage of years.It can dust the dust over it, but not so much to forget.

Will, I go to a psychiatrist?Hmmm!It’s modern but I do not think it could help me with anything.Give me pills, make me a specialty treatment?Dear God!!!I’m not crazy, but there have been too many years for me, and to change something would mean giving back time, or before what cannot really be, as I was born at that time, and did not I cannot help but resign and continue to go on the unseen thread of life as if nothing had happened.But dreams are dreams and can be interpreted in the same way.Maybe in a future life be better.

Some, at that time, said that in communism it is good and that we will live happily, maybe they alone and not the others, I do not want to quote the politicians, or rather the politicians of that time, since my opinion is that they have been prone to ideas primitive, immense rude , fixed and with values very close to the models of a closed society subjected to a single leader, without philosophical, mathematical or other purposes, the idea being tobe only good to them, and others to do as they will.

The values ​​to which these people were referring were populism and, to a lesser extent, the church, perhaps even atheism, in other words total vulgarity and obscurantism, values ​​that do not progress only to a small extent, and only to those who believed in them.

They were very few, but they had the power, and if you had not risked being marginalized in the happiest cases, otherwise you would have chosen the “miseries” you would not have expected.And I know enough cases.

That’s why I hate politics.Sometimes I wonder, is not it the same now?Yes, but with the human face…

There were times when you had money in your pocket, but you did not have anything to buy with them, as in the grocery stores they stood in the form of pyramid canned fish of the same type in tomato sauce, chicken cutlets and fish cutlets (head, spine and tail) nothing else.That was just a period of time after which they disappeared and the stores were empty, bringing food from time to time.In the clothing stores there were only dusty old fashioned models not in fashion.Will you ask that supermarkets did not exist?Well not seen in movies.That was then, but now a lot has changed.

Many times, you were in the queue to buy bread on the card, milk, butter and meat, the beer when it appeared to be a luxury product, and much more.

There are only a few aspects of my time before 1989, you have no way of knowing all of these things that I have lived, but now I remember the ghosts as ghostly, like passing passers-by.

Life was an adventure, an Amazon jungle where you had to struggle to take care of yourself, to be careful, what you say, what you are talking about, but especially who you are talking to and who you are crying for not having any unpleasant surprises later.And there were other unpleasant things that I really do not want to talk about, but especially I do not want to remember in any way.

Now it’s different, but you better get hit by the fact that you have what you buy, but you do not have what, because of the small pay, the politicians have changed their orientation, talk a lot, say very beautiful things, in fact the essence is the same, empty words.

Our system of thinking is extraordinarily creative, mainly based on our ability to see the world as a prime factor with good and evil, to create hypotheses on its own being a first step of a mathematically reported thought at certain milestones being the best argument for the emergence of new ideas and the development of living and living conditions, with the present time.I’m sure I’m not mistaken when making these statements.

I do not want to go into more philosophical debates as far as I could polemicist on this subject a whole novel and could create a state of confusion using sophisticated terms, but I actually said what hurts, unwilling to be considered by some and others like the world of those who “do not speak”, as we have been before, but which we have set up without any embarrassment, in a way, let’s say intellectually, academically, politely. As I said before, are not “yes man” and I do not think I will ever be.

I made this longer introduction not to bore the reader or weary, but as a preamble to the title I put “The Shadows of the Past …”, thinking of a terrible dream that I had the past days and namely that on the morning of December 21, 1989, by a total repulsion of the past regime, I fired at the party’s newspapers, in front of the post in the area where they live, naturally, if you think about all the negative accumulations from that time.

We were the only nation in the world that executed its president on a Christmas holiday on December 25, 1989, a thing that is not done, compared to other states in the socialist “gulag”, where the revolutions were so of velvet, without bloodshed, but with profound changes in history, the passage from an old stage to a new stage, or from one social order to another, in fact the transition from communism (socialism) to capitalism.

Now I think you understand why I briefly told the few “odious” facts, miserable in all respects that happened before 1989 through the popular uprising, why I do not believe politics and politicians, why do I hate to talk about politics, when many people love it.

I honestly do not care, and sincerely let me stop telling you about what was once, just the joyful moments and the adventures we’ve been through, though I can honestly say that history fascinates me, and I’m disturbed in a positive sense on everything that they read, be they historical chronicles, historical histories, or police novels with historical histories.

I really thought I would write a historic novel with a lot of action, as I like to have a project on this subject, but it will take some time for more detailed documentation and investigation of the things happening in the chronicles. This is why I need some time at the academic library of the academy.

I do not know if you liked what I wrote, but the message that I was elegantly trying to translate is not to question my critical and acidic view of politics or politicians or an ideology but just to they send out some facts that few of you have gone through and about which I do not think you could have imagined that they could have ever existed, only in some dreams, passing oversights, in other words you did not see some “Shadows of the past … “.

I will try to conclude this narration by a famous quote by a famous Romanian philosopher … Emil Cioran from “The Change to the Face of Romania” book:

“Romania’s historical spiral will rise to the point where we are dealing with the world. So far we have been reptiles, from here we stand up to the world to know that not only Romania is in the world but also the world in Romania. Unless we live apocalyptically for the destiny of this country, we will not put endless fever and passion in our beginnings, we are lost, and we only have to regain the shadows of our past. “

February 18/2018

To be or not to be … this is the problem … or Truth or falsity

I will begin with a famous quote by Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865) who used to say,

“The character is like a tree, and the reputation is its shadow. We care about the shadow, but we really should think about the tree.”

I will try to tell another interesting episode of my life even at the risk of not being read by anyone, but I still take this risk for those who do it, because I think that if I started my literary debut in this by opening up the “book of my life,” perhaps later I may write a novel or an interesting novel that could be read on the unspoiled one night and provide me with a position in the golden hierarchy of successful writers.Why not?… Dreams … or do I want too much?

A new interesting hobby, but cares not to neglect the others (art photography, for example …), but on the contrary to cultivate it, to take it further, so I can overcome the inflection points of life, which will become a sinusoid which, as it grows, grows more and more in accordance with my dreams and desires, which I wish with all my soul and heart.

A day like any other, simple, annoyed, bloody, one day even if you want to do something special, you should think well before it starts.The same problems that fit into some patterns and which at one point become routine, risen, washed, internet, worried about pet food, etc…

What else can you do when you retire and no longer a permanent job than the one you set it up for?In other words, you are your own master mastering your own manager.Most of the time, everything becomes boring, I honestly envy those people who still have a job.Sporadically there is a problem that solves it for a fee to the various people who ask me.

For example, there was no evening, no night reading more than an hour, giving up the slavery to the internet.It has become an indelible custom, but it gives me great satisfactions.

When I go out of town to take pictures, if I do not find interesting subjects to instigate me and cause me to take pictures, I go to all the libraries that I meet on my way, look at books, see last appearances, and if I really find something to my taste, I buy them for the money I have in my pocket.Nevertheless, I have never allocated money for this because I do not hesitate to buy something I like, even at the risk of not having enough money on that day.

I never give up spiritual, spiritual food, and I am covens as if you were doing the same thing in your turn.It is a natural, normal, and not very pleasant habit.

Go to the park, sit down on a bench, and with trembling hands of happiness, open a book by browsing the page, with great care not to bend, not to siphon as if you had an invaluable object in your hand the little jewel that you enjoy enormously.

In other words, the life you have is limited to the karma generated at birth is actually a prisoner of your own borders that can hardly be overcome.Ambition and fear of the unknown can influence the desire to overcome them, but only in the situation where you think positively.Can it?Surely yes, if there is of course a certain condition, the will and why not the desire to start and explore the unknown.

I have proposed many things to do in my life, but so far I have only achieved a few, not many.But I’m convinced that eventually I will succeed.

And here I have successfully managed to do two diametrically opposed trades as the essence, but which have often brought me satisfaction.When I was very young I tried to get into the essence of things, to understand them, to inform, to read so much to be able to enter society as a man with the forehead and to have stability at certain levels.

If you are not informed and you do not have a solid culture, you cannot cope with certain thematic discussions, risking your position and shaving against others.

Reading books develops your thinking by focusing on certain horizons you often want to touch, and you have the possibility, according to the interlocutor, either to rise to his or her level or to get down to his level so you can have a discussion interesting and creative.

I was lucky I could say I have this talent, and not that I made the statement, but the words of one or the other.Others struggle throughout life, some succeed, but most do not give up nervous because they have no chance of realizing what they really wanted.

Previously we said how I managed to have more jobs (I am repeating not a yes man), and no one can tell me that he would not have wanted a better paid job, or more stability in the job, or more a lot of security of tomorrow, because I cannot believe it.

Let’s say that through a non-jurors contest we arrived at the Police Department.Will it come to believe?I’m convinced that I do not, and when I remember this opportunity I’m happy to laugh.Will you ask why?Well they are not all people?The answer is yes, but with some restrictions, restraints, as the police officers are part of a special guild, as well as the motor mechanics that are all around the crank.

I do not know if my exposure can be considered too academic at the level of their tag, in other words cops can also be divided into several categories, and honestly, they recognize their mistakes but outside the guild.

Do not you tell me that you did not hit them on the street, or that you never took a fine by running around without having to blame?Either by mistake, or by their desire to resolve the plan for fines for that day.That is and they are people being mistaken for many times, that’s why I said I’m a great guild.

My job at the Police Department was to take over the IT department of the unit, teach them how to work with the computer and new software, repair PCs when needed, troubleshoot software in other words to service and maintain, and to implement programs specific to police activities.I do not want to get in too much detail, but my status was the same as my own (a cop in other words).

Interesting is the fact that I was dealing with various police characters from the slightest degree to the highest degree, being directly subordinated to the boss, the Director, but not tangent with his weaponry and the part of the crime, which is those specializing in this kind of work.

The computers had to be kept in operation, as well as the internet, which often had to be extended by the people who had access to it.

My luck was the amount of money we received at each end of the month, plus the food norm and extra money for clothing and footwear, or between us, I never wore the uniform, but the police badge I was obliged to port, a big badge like a sheriff star.

When they gave me the badge and I put it, we resembled John Wayne after a long night of beating or Clint Eastwood after a lost poker game.So I did not face the cop in any form, and like a joke I could say more like a “seaman with a drugged paratrooper, when he finds out after dropping, he has no parachute.”That’s the real reason why when I remember I always laugh.

Once I was summoned to an emergency meeting because I was head of the IT department where the Director seeing me asks me: What are you doing here?I answer naively: Was I also called? And what shall I do not come?Okay, but it’s not your job, do you come only when I call you?I answered elusively: I understood Director, that’s what I will do!You realize that I have had a great joy that I left, for the discussions that were going to be held there were thematic issues, not my competence, and I simply did not support the sessions in any way.

I also had critical situations when I had to recover the police database, because a slumber, I do not know how he managed to erase it.Finally, I managed to recapture it in 4-5 hours, which for me was technically successful, but that brought me a salary increase from the director, money I needed not for diplomas.

At first I quarreled with him for various reasons, and he was in the statement that “machine and woman is everybody’s good,” a typical policeman thinking, plus the fact that he thought he was “siphon” and would reveal to someone of the secrets that were there.

Obviously, I never did it because my professional ethics did not allow me to do this, plus the fact that the documents were secret, and what would they use for me?Lose a well-paid job?

I was not lucky to work in a big software company as I had originally dreamed of, I had not crossed some barriers, and not because I was not well prepared, but I did not have the necessary support, and to be a teacher in a school I do not think I would have had too much patience with the students.

What to do it was my luck, but if I stay well and think, it was beneficial to me because I learned many new things that I would not otherwise have known.The great desire was to get into a sophisticated high-level academic environment and not in the Police Department, but the games were already made, the fact that we were well paid offset other things.

I have always been an open mind, returning to the beginning, I only knew to read, to learn (as I do now) to inform myself and not to make money as others have managed to do, anyway in my life you can have it all, but you have to limit yourself, and I do not want that.

I sadly recall the words of a bank director who made me feel humiliated in those moments: What do you use all the licenses and master you hardly gotten?To which I, with much courage, replied, “Sir!in the morning when I look in the mirror I’m not ashamed of my image, otherwise I would spit on the mirror or shatter it shamefully”.

Do not you think I was offended?And yet the answer I gave me confidence in me and gave me the hope of going forward with my forehead, as I do now.

Quote by a quote from Sun Tzu’s Nobility Art of War: “Here are the least skilled because they are going to be puppets in a top-level game. Their role, which they have to play without knows, is to keep the apparent lack of understanding and intelligence at the level of leadership. “

So what was I in my life?I sit and ask, pawn, crazy or horse? On the virtual chessboard of life…

I think the answer comes from an ancient thought “Fear of danger, before you make it happen, when the danger already exists, do not be afraid, face it”

And I do the same, do not you think?

February7/2018

Creation, Fantasy, Ideas…

Sometimes the dance of cigarette smoke inspires me, it fascinates me even though it’s chaotic in the air, a simple look creates a kind of exotic movement that does not like the aroma always (depending on what you smoke) but by the Brownian motion of the created images, imagined maybe even dreamed.

Sometimes good music listened to in the middle of the night gives you an excellent state of euphoria, and it does not always urge you to sleep, but to a state of meditation, a deep thinking that causes you to put your hand on a pen and to put your thoughts on a coal of paper thinking of what will follow.But what’s next?

As in the photo I really like to play with the light in the literature (I do not claim to be a writer, though I would like it) I like to play with “fire”, having in my head a fantasy hypothesis that can always lead to the discovery of the truth about the world or perhaps, why not about me.

Sometimes I can treat them as “dangerous” hobbies as if you were moving to the moving sands of suppositions, obviously never good for me, but what if?I like the challenges of madness.

Most of the time my ideas were rejected, they were not appreciated by anyone, and no one encouraged me by telling me, Okay … it was perfect, but on the contrary they treated me elusively, the way, … we’ll think, we analysis … using official language like the party.In other words, my ideas were too revolutionary for their narrow minds and did not fit into the standards imposed by some people, although we always demonstrated and argued their benefits if they had been put into practice.

Even now, with my hobbies, for example, about photography, I have jumped out of the pattern, always stating that I take photos and not pictures, the meaning of the two words being about the same, but there is a great difference in shade.

I have always liked the originality of photographs, frames of art photography, and not that common copy & paste of many photographers, or the scorching rules imposed by specialized treatises with which others scramble.What God!Rules are being infringed in many critical situations, even though I have been obeying or respecting them and have no other rescue solutions in those moments.

But most of the time, I did it, the satisfactions being great as my expectations, the cadres drawn to me only, others being totally indifferent.

Most of the times, my beautiful “muse” suggested it would be good to write, anything to write because I had talent.Well with shy steps, but I firmly approached this art, grabbing me to write something.It is as clear as if it was not mine and I cannot hypocritically assume it.

It is true that it is nice to hang on paper, thoughts, ideas, fantasies why not, hypotheses and perhaps other adventures of everyday life.

For me at least my life did not give me the chance to have what I dreamed, but still keep dreaming because I have the guarantee and know that dreams will be fulfilled and they will become reality one day.

I started stories about photography.I started taking a picture in 1983, not based on any idea what it might mean, no specialty course of technique and photographic art, but just what I read through various books or magazines.

Obviously, I took the books from the University Library, these being about movies, how to display films according to DIN (European) or ASA (American), how to fix them after exposure, development times, chemical solutions and so on.

I learned how to develop them, and how to translate them onto photographic paper and many other things, but all the notions were fierce in terms of technical details, but they did not have the ability to obtain more competent, more perfectionist manuals.

Mostly I focused on black and white photography because I found more

As a photographic camera, I bought the cheapest one from the store, a Russian SMENA 8, although there were more expensive and sophisticated Russian ZORKI 4 or ZENIT appliances on the market.

Like any beginner, Smena 8 was for me a small “Mercedes”, a small gem not separate me again.Where do I actually want to get there?

The same year 1983 was the year of graduating from the University, and after 5 years of hard work, we always wanted to “dump” all the patterns in which my other colleagues were anchored.I was finally going to present my diploma project, as it did to any State University, a private one that still did not exist at that time.

We had guidance tutors who gave us the project theme after we had been discussed before, and we were going to get on with the job, having a month or a month and a while before it was presented to the committee.

Where the standard part or an annoying pattern intervened (as I was saying) was the fact that most of the colleagues simply copied the project from a Design and Research Institute, with other data and other calculations, eventually paying and making others the project as well such as theirs, and at the end of the presentation it will be made on the boards of the teachers’ committee.

Many of them have gone much better than me through America, Canada or other countries of the civilized world.

The project that I chose at the suggestion of the mentor teacher included many interesting things from all points of view, at the end of the presentation being made atypical by exposed photographs and planes in calc, the technical details and the written part to be attached to them.

I thought the beginning plan to actually be a three-dimensional axonometric projection of architecture which will catch everyone’s attention.The question I asked myself how to do it?Money to give an architect I did not have as others did, and no one sponsored me!I came idea is a great calling in photography that grab me, so that one day I got on the University and I took some shots original impossible angles, images thus obtained to increase their scale and to fool teachers, as if the beginning plan was made by an architect.

On the market, you could find only German films of the ORWO Democratic Germany black and white, but I really enjoyed it.We used about 3 movies in 36 positions, which we developed urgently and transposed them into authentic photos with a marquee loaned from a friend.

I want to say that in the end my heart rhythm grew so loud that I was running at Marathon and I climbed it and I won it, looking at the photos I made I had exactly what I was supposed to be also impressed by the fact that you work less.

In the end, that was not the hardest part of the project, but what was going to happen.Many will say, “Give the madman what he is and leave you in the way” with me as well.On a large board I drew a vertical axis and two vanishing points that allowed me to increase the scale of the main elements in the photo is actually simplistic scheme of structural elements I needed, so a projection axonometric almost authentic.So the prospect was actually made, the paper plan was ready to be copied on the bill.And when you think it took me only three days to do this.Realizing that the idea is to implement was actually what I learned as primary notions in the early years of university studies, from an older teacher who actually teaches descriptive geometry.

Let God give him health!An excellent teacher, although at that time he was marginalized by others because of his extraordinary ideas, and why I was lying I learned a lot of good things from him.

Due to my skills in technical drawing and the fact that I had very beautiful calligraphy writing, I was surprised to see that a successful architect was envied by many colleagues at the time.Due to the applied color, it gave you the feeling of an authentic photograph, when it was actually a banal drawing made by me as I told you.

And if you have a little thought that it was designed and enlarged after a common white and black photo made by me, the satisfaction was even greater.The plan was written by my calligraphy hand with special pens to attract those who ultimately will give me the degree of engineer.

The final project had this startup drawing, and another 23 planes with a lot of technical details designed by me along with the coordinating teacher who helped me a lot.

At the presentation of the diploma project, I received the maximum mark and applause from the teachers in the committee, even though sometimes during the presentation I stumbled a bit, because of the confusing questions they had and the strong emotions I had in with the engineer diploma for which I worked for 5 years.Then I did not know what was going to happen, nor what the future holds for me, what will I do next in life, but I knew one thing, that starting from that day, ideas, creation and originality will be my determinants and points of reference for what I was going to do.

Over the course of my life, many wanted to remove me, but I was the man who, even if he was out on the door, was walking through the window and continuing what I was saying with the overwhelming overflow.

This was another episode of my life and how not to dream of something better!When I know that better times will come for me to delight my heart and lighten my soul, as the old saying of the ancestors says “Hope dies the last …”, yet I was an original guy, creative and full of ideas…always, in other words, they aren’t on the moving sands, but on a solid ground they want from all their hearts to cross, the fantasies being sometimes random landmarks….

Jan, 24/2018