It hurts my soul when I know that the Christmas holidays have given me a ugly gift that I did not expect. It might be said that I’m exaggerated, well, no.
Many times when you wait for a sunshine, come, enjoy, nose you, everything collapses, as if you’ve created a castle from playing cards, a domino of horror.
I regret the fact that I am trying to share the pain in such moments, but as I have been wrong with God, I have not been wrong, but maybe the cycle of life was like that. In the days when our Dacian ancestors dared to be loved, they enjoyed even if they did not worship God but their deities, so they still had an ideal, a hope that the loved one would get where he always wanted.
But now I feel a void in my soul, my heart is broken into pieces that cannot be gathered, but I still live with the hope that one day I may be listening to my prayer to rejuvenate my soul, my heart and to cover at least a part of the black holes thus succeeding to re-establish what we were before.
Yesterday, being nice outside, I told myself to go to the church to pray, choosing to be a pious place St. Nicholas Church near the Faculty of Architecture, perhaps for several reasons. (the church was built around 1702).
I’m not trying to tell the story of this famous church, just trying to tell in a few words how I felt there. I lit candles for the living and the dead, but they are always alive in my memory, exactly one day after the loss suffered.
I walked in and suddenly I do not know by what miracle my anguish, headaches, fatigue disappeared, perhaps for the simple reason that we are entering the Lord’s house.
Inside a quiet, silent silence, although there were people praying to God. I was at every icon to pray, to thank the Lord for my joy, but also to complain to the suffering I was going through at that moment, the suffering that I could not share with anyone, as long as I had locked myself in me, a crystalline castle that is difficult to penetrate from the outside of someone else.
It was a very difficult attempt for my mind, because the images went down in a slow motion in a slow motion due to the look of prayer, the glare of two black eyes asking for clemency and help, help that I was trying to give even if I knew the end was close.
I cannot explain in any way what has happened because then as now there are words that cannot be explained, only feelings. Hard, is not it?
I took candles, I lit them, and at each of them I worshiped and said a prayer, in my heart, living with the nightmare of karma that has been pushing me for years and years.
I do not try to complain in any way, or to ask anyone’s mercy, only to the one who has blessed me on this earth many times, the traumas through which we have been known.
I could not write about it anymore, especially since I was in the vet for almost 12 months and I did absolutely everything possible to relieve suffering, save her life and give her everything he can to an animal in distress . God is my witness, but I cannot even forget him. But if it was, at least in those lands where he went to remember and love me there as I loved him.
Many psychologists will either say I’m crazy or better to control my head, but the EU will not give them that satisfaction, but on the contrary, I say that love is unlimited, has no borders, and if you can give it, give it because it will give you much satisfaction and soulful thanks, even if you give it unconditionally to an animal entered into your family, knowing how to respond in the same manner.
… With tears in my eyes, I say … Good forever Puffy, … I will not cease to love you as if you were next to me, waiting for my benevolent caress for your soul and heart …
Dec, 14th, 2017